Mumbling

I do not know why i could'nt update my blog and can't log in.But lucky today, am able to do it.

Somewhere last week, i watched The Exorcism of Emily Rose, based on true story of Annelise Michel. Although i didn't watch from the beginning, but the story helps and link to what happened to me in 2004. The lawyer and witnesses argumentation helps me understand well what happened to me. And why some medication provided by hospital can't cure my sickness. Because in  my case, it is my spiritual was sick, not my mental..probably yes, am really scared that turn me into exorcist.

But am very grateful that am still alive, although am not recovered yet. Well, with optimistic, hypnotherapy, continuous religious medication, mental control, little knowledge on neuro linguistic programming, am no longer hysteria. Outside i might look very healthy, but inside only Allah knows things how i feel. Sometimes i feel that i need some help, to get me overcome the trauma and fobia. Sometimes, i wish that i lose my memory and let all the bad memories gone. Sometimes, i wish that i died 10 years ago. But i know that i shouldn't be pessimist.

Being sick makes me appreciate life. Yes, i didn't deny that i have a lot of problem, as i continue my study, i don't have enough time for myself. I don't want to stress myself so much. I don't want to think so much. If things happened, let it be. I can't control something that is out of my hand, as Allah already plan my journey.I believe when my friend once told me, work life balance. Although am single, it still applicable to me.

One thing that i realize is communication. How important communication is. I don't want to comment, but if i have my own family, i want to try my best to communicate effectively and positively to my children and husband. I don't want to hurt them, with negative thoughts and cancerous communication.

I don't want my children grow up to be a stressful, bad tampered person, i want my children to have a healthy emotion. I also don't want to be a wife whose gonna hurt her husband ears with negative communication. Well, i hope that one day i will meet someone who not only love me, but have a good vision in a marriage. Love can fade anyway, but vision always remain stronger because it is person principle.(my opinion)

Ok i will continue sometimes later...if am not busy..nitez...

September

I finally finish my exam..I can't say much about it..well i can admit that am really bad with calculation...now

am concentrating to both my Financial Management assignment...am also concentrating on opening the **** kind of business..InshaAllah..Aamin..I must admit at first it is quite hard..and with limited time am struggling to make some research on how to kick-start

For my Lexus, Alhamdulilah so far i can prevent myself from bankruptcy...i don't want to say much with the lawyer...Well, i still have pressure to accomplish the payment..since the car is lost with my stupid ex..that crazy man must be dead somewhere..Since i was sitting exam, i just sign the deal with the lawyer firm Sankaran Halim.. i don't want to think much and got headache due to this issue

Honestly, after my experience with my two ex...i will not believe any man easily...especially those man who have plenty...plenty... of luxury car...They are just pretending...actually they are predator of woman $$$$

Enough saying, i just come back from my office to sign job appraisal..i got 82% improve from last year...Everything excellent, only understanding part of my work is quite low.Well, i admit that am weak at that. I have a lot of plan for my future.. i plan to attend more and more professional course in the future.

Insha Allah Nebosh course, Cisco(Project Management), HSE, ISO Certified...well i hope it will help me if i move to private sectors in the future, Aaminn...

August 2014

Hi, Eid Mubarak celebration already end..

I have been very busy ever since I started my degree course at IGS Lim Kok Wing University. Nothing much happened, except that am just busy with my study. I tried to avoid continuing my study at ITB, knowing the course will be very difficult( through my HND experience)..but to my surprised, the course at Lim Kok Wing in Brunei is very tiring. We have a lot of assignment and test to do in 5 months studying...Next week will be examination but we still have 3 more assignment left. Some presentation will be held after examination and one assignment will be distributed after exam...What? After final exam still have assignment to do??

 

The only thing that I love over here is the environment. The people are friendly and open minded, although they are officers and government. I feel very tired and stressed. But..every time I stress out, I will watch Marilyn Monroe picture or videos to melt my stress.OK enough say about studying..

 

In the office, my boss transfer me to Finance section. The work here is quite simple and straightforward.Alhamdulilah, I manage to learn a lot over here.I think in the future I will post some pictures of my activities, Insyallah

 

Ok see u again friend

 

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After almost two years

In my previous entry, I did inform that I move to Project Monitoring Unit, in which, now re-name Project Coordination and Contract Financing Unit. I no longer going to site and do most of my works in the office.

 

Here are some of my pix with my colleague

 

Three months to New Year

Now is September and in few months it will be end of 2013.Time pass by so fast. I found old pix when I was at Project Implementing Section. Here are the pix, looking back, I was quite slim compare to now hehe.

 

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Happy Eid Mubarak

Happy Eid Mubarak to all muslims around the world.I hope everybody is enjoying the festive.I will celebrate Eid Mubarak with my family as usual.Since everybody is getting older, now that we do not going anywhere during our first day celebration. We  just stay at home and waiting for our families and neighbours to come and visit us.

I plan to do open house and yet i have'nt contact any caterers yet.Insyallah, i hope it will happen soon.

Time pass by

Now is June...So much things happened to me..

I have been so stress with my workload..and am still dealing with it everyday...sometimes i feel so frustrated with myself...i keep on blaming myself that if i work so hard with my online business...atleast am earning something...problem with internet connection did affect my business....as it works online...


With so much debts on hand, i plan my retirement could only be done after 10 to 15 years working with government. Now am studying forex trading...i have to overcome my fear anyway...and i find it quite simple compare to internet marketing....but i still learning anyway...am not confident open a live account...just a demo account to practice..


I receive huge respond from my dinadigitalstore.com...am so glad about that....but due to my workload, am not active online

Alhamdulilah, my deal with HSBC regarding Lexus is settle now...so my name is no longer black listed by HSBC...

Am hoping that i will be success both in my forex trade and internet marketing...so i will earn some income and able to payoff all my loan as soon as possible...


Have to go now...got huge workload to do

Here i'm 2013

It has been a long time, that i did not update my blog. I think...i think..so much happened to me for few weeks.

Am not satisfied with my neighbours...something wrong happened to my loan and S has been disappeared for months now.

I do not know what happened to S, where he have gone, why he leave me and a lot. I tried to call S many times. But he blocked my number. I worried so much, because S need to renew Lexus insurance and road tax..HSBC have been chasing me for Lexus. But i do not have any idea where is Lexus. How i hate S so much that i wish that he would die soon. S leave me with unsettling issue between my loan and Lexus. I feel that i want to lodge police reports towards S, that he have scam me.

My sister is so mad that S has cheated her loan. He took 8k from my sister loan and he need to give another 20K..but he already disappear. I do not mind if am not marrying S, because i know that he never love me.

I am still searching S.Because i need to take Lexus from him. How i wish that i did not meet S last year. How i wish he died soon. Amin

Happy New Year

Now is December..i have no idea for my 2013 resolution. I still remember the day i shared my new year resolution with my ex....I don't know, but i plan not to go overseas by next year because am concentrating on closing my loan and improving my online business.I hope i will generate more income by next year.

Am still hoping for S to help me out with my huge debts. S agree to marry me, but he wants me to sponsor for our honeymoon ticket. i reluctant to do that, as it will contradict with my plan to settle my loan. Unless if i already make steady online income, it will be okay for us to go, or else it is better for us to have our honeymoon in nearby location such as MIRI.

Luckily, our Senior officer already approve my holiday...I can't wait to spend my holiday with my family...while am still single..

I really, really want my online business to go further...at least i make 4 digits per month....i don't want to rely on my job, as i want Financial Freedom.

As of my personal life, since am turning 31, i don't mind if i getting marry soon...i think it is good for me & s to live together and have a clear picture on our life...I know we have similar interest on business and financial target...The difference is S  concentrating on Conventional business but i only focus on online business. S wants to collaborate with me with an online business that he join...am not sure how it works..but will see how it will benefits us...

Am just hoping 2013 will bring joy to our life...Happy Advance New Year to Everyone..

 

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Turning 31 soon

Hi everyone...it has been a while i did'nt update my blog....i have been so busy for Raya Celebration(Eid Mubarak) and enjoy my two weeks mandatory leave.I always visit my blog but have no chance to update it.

I am starting to do some business online such as affiliate marketing and etc as it is my passion...for my business Bright Hope Enterprise..i have to stop it for a while..Insyallah i will continue my business next year...Thanks a million to Ewen Chia for helping me.I hope in the future, he will produce more excellent IM products or services.

Soon will be Haj Pilgrim Celebration..I hope that one day i will able to perform Umrah and Haj.Amin...Everybody in the office are busy applying for end of year holiday...i have'nt decide yet..because i have to reserve some of my holiday for house moving session.either i will move to Kiarong or Beribi Flat...i don't mind, as long as they give us proper and safe acomodation, that is more than enough for me..One thing that i notice within the people living in Brunei-Muara district IS..PARKING ISSUE..i don't understand why people can't respect their neighbors...they parks wherever they want...what a sad thing??

I have been living in flat at Kuala Belait for more than 20 years..and we did'nt encounter the problem..and respect each other and live like a family..

Soon am going to turn 31, i don't feel anything..am not hoping to marry someone.S ? I nver feel that he really love me...he only make use of me for his business, as he know that i have a lot of contact in government sector. He is a playboy, so i believe that he also date someone else. He always complain that am fat, that i need to slim down...Hello S, although am fat.but am beautiful, if u did'nt appreciate that, then, leave me. I wonder why he is a playboy.

I hope that we will broke up soon. Am tired of this fake love and feeling...i hate feeling being use by someone...

Counting to December, soon there will be some make up classes...I think i will join that...i need to enhance my skills in make up...since i use make up daily, my skin getting dry and i use a lot of moisturiser, but still cannot solve my skin problem.

Okay see u again...i hope  can upload some nice pictur in the future...

 

hAPPY fASTING mONTH

Assalam to all my muslim friends and happy fasting month...

From now on i will stop posting my personal life story...i mean something which is very personal.
I will try to update something whenever i have free time..and share not a very personal story of my life...i appreciate some comments made by visitor....

Am using wordpress now, for business online purpose..but honestly i prefer using blogspot as am more familiar to blogspot...so i create dina IM suggest blogspot..but still have no time to publish some post...My  post paid internet broadband is really bad...and it badly affected my business as the internet progress is very slow....

HAPPY RAMADHAN AND TO VISITORS ALL OVER THE WORLD THANK YOU FOR VISITING MY BLOG....

Am ill...

am ill now...been almost a week...my darling S is outstation at few countries...i dunno how many days will be his trip...i hope all the best for his businesss endeavours...we are couple now and S had conversation with my mom and told my mom how much he love me and he is really serious with me...

i can't say much ...i hope our planning will be success and may allah bless our relationship...am 30 now coming 31st in October while S is 35 years old....so i think it is time for us to build our future together...Amin..

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Can't Wait

Am so nervous going to Singapore..

The main reason is because i bring only few bucks to Singapore...Thanks to Fyna for letting me stay at her house at Tanglin view...well i can't figured out where is Novotel hotel.....I hope i can learn a lot during my course and implement it as soon as i arrive Brunei..

Truly, am sooo.... nervous..little $$$$$...no idea where is the place???? and am going alone....i have'nt pack my things...have'nt withdraw my little $$$aving$$$

I can't rely on S.....S always delay the payment which makes me got headache as i still and still.......receive telephone warning and letter warning from Bank.....when i called S to inform about the payment...he told me he knows it......but he waited for me to call him...i know he is not satisfied with me...as i refuse to jogg with him...dinner with him and having lunch with him.....i made a lot of excuses...because i still felt trauma of Harry...hell with him...i wish he died....Amin...after enjoying my 100K he can slept with other woman..Truly i wish u died soon Harry...

I met S...and he got headache as he have to pay a lot of people car...my car, our lexus (car Between me & S) his uncle GTI, a lady Lancer and i dunno....


If i become his wife one day...i will ask him to let the car go...i will pay my bmw, our lexus will be pay by S...the expensive Mercedes i will advise him to let it go...it is such a waste spend money on car...it is better we concentrate on other stuff rather than spending more on continental cars...i know S is filthy rich...but truly it is still a waste...

New Environment

I moved to clerk room as i want to learn a lot from my colleagues,  Document Contract Officer...So far the job were ok but still quite confuse as we have to handle with a lot of documentation and contract...Good things about this Unit is am able to learn from my friend to perform job as neat as possible..Every document despatch have to be sign, until there is no room for others to blame if missing or misplace of documents occur

I still have to settled my previous job.....but am okay with it...am happy to be here...am okay with the clerks...we do our jobs happily..full of laughter......we share lots of info....truly this is happening...

For my personal life...S help me a lot to figure out how much is my loan....he is so surprise with the amount of loan that i have taken....he advised me to think twice before taking loan and should aware my future...

I know i can't rely on S to clean my loan....i will figure out after my trip to Singapore...i hope that i can catch up with all Ewen Chia teaching....and i hope that i can implement it as soon as i arrive Brunei ...

At home i dun felt so exhausted, so now my new project is to decorate my bedroom...and after that kitchen....

I hope by next year all my loan will settle insyallah...and to u S i owe u a lot, thanks a million for helping me...

How ???

At last we have reshuffle....i will be assign to Document and contract...So i will not going to site anymore, no more site meeting all over Brunei...no more calculating and measuring any furniture that we supply...no more payment and so on......bla...bla...bla...but most important thing..no more crying in the office due to burnout...hehehe

 I do not know how effective it will be...as we still engage with our previous project.....i still have a lot of payment to do...some site inspection in Tutong....but now am preparing for handover...am afraid if i wait, i still engage with the projects until end of the year.....i felt sorry to sheikh that i could not help him with a lot of documentation....have no idea what to do with document and contract tasks...am not making excuses, but really i have a lot of things to do right now...

It seems that this reshuffle is totally miserable...it is not properly carried out.....we should move to 3rd floor but we still in 2nd floor as the office is crowded.....everybody have no idea what is their responsibilities...it seems that the management is so poor....

I have been acting my officer for the past 105 days...but been told that am not going to be paid....

That is in my office..

For my personal life...am still struggle with my debts.....but i do plan to take my bmw back....i hope S will help me and guide me to solve some of my loans.....Thanks a million to him....Thanks a million to Ewen Chia for giving me 2 free tickets to enter his seminar in Singapore...well he postponed it to april...so i have to cancel my leave and re-apply again...i hope the seminar will be a huge turning point in my life.....well, i can't rely on S to help me...or else his gf will kill me...(just assumption, he is very rich ofcourse he got a lot of woman chasing for him)but i do hope that S can help me, because am so breathless with debts....

I also plan to install wireless at my flat....so it is easy for me to do my business at home...But that can be done in May or June....

I can say much,just praying and hoping that everything will be alright soon.....and to u S,please help me